Cook your lentils. Wash dry lentils thoroughly (all sorts of weird stuff turns up in dry lentils, I found a piece of wood in mine). Add to a large pot of boiling water, boil for half an hour and drain, reserving water.

Make your herb bundle. Double layer a square of cheesecloth. Lay all the things you don’t want to chew in the middle. Bundle it up, tying with butcher’s twine. Do not make my mistake and include veggie stalks - I thought it would be an easy way to impart more flavour, but forgot they would expand and stretch out the cheesecloth.

Make your base. Melt some butter; sauté onions, carrots, etc. until soft. Add the herb bundle, push it around for a bit, then toss it in the soup pot. Add minced garlic, cooking briefly. Add flour and cook until nutty. Splash in the wine, scraping the bottom of the pan to get the good bits while letting the alcohol evaporate. Slowly incorporate stock.

Amass the soup! Add your delicious veggie mixture to a crock pot or large soup pot. Add the cooked lentils. Add the reserved lentil water until everything looks a bit too runny. Add cumin and garam masala, if using, and salt and pepper. Cook on low for as long as you’ve got (1-3h) on low heat.

Get some texture. Dig out the herb bundle and 2 cups of soup. Purée the rest with a hand blender. Return veggies. Fry ham (with basting sauce, if you still have it) and add.

Garnish and serve!